The Final Words of a Chronomancer (Ayida Kelzhan, WoW)
There are too many goodbyes. Too little time. For a Troll who has lost time, irony fails to be lost. This life, my life, has been odd. Quite so. Little remains of my mind, it atrophies inside my head. No, not atrophy. Something else. The Ebon Ravalta called it a Temporal Distortion Syndrome. What I did, what I do and what I will do it leads to that. How can it not? I am Darkspear. As Darkspear, I did the impossible.
Not impossible. It was done. Improbable.
Improbable is a good word. It is me. My Maman, she never was pleased with what I became. In’ama are seers. In’ama are favoured by Loas. She was crazy, not like me. She was powerful. She was because she lives no longer. Sands of ancient foes took her. Before the Catacyclsm. Before it changed. Before they changed, their change, changed me. I was changing already. A powerful land sinking below waves, disrupted balances. New lands rerouted balance. Balance was not given to me. Balance will not heal me. Nothing will repair my mind.
Overload. That is what it is. Not atrophy. Overload. Like my goodbyes. Too many to say. When my flesh is torn from my bones, as a Darkspear should die, my goodbyes will be said. I will see Maman. She will be disappointed. I am not.
This life, my life, has been odd. I wrote that once. Up there, somewhere in the pages. Named for two. Damballah and Ayida. Destruction and Havoc. He, male aspect, male half. Twin. Destruction. I lost him. He went with Maman’s bones into the waves. Havoc was left alone. Maman had humour. She fucked a dire troll. She also fucked a dead troll, but the dire troll was our father.
Life was lived. She loved Dire Troll and she loved Dead Troll. They revolved in the house. It was good to leave. Even under circumstance. Traded. Gifted. She did that to me. Gifted is my first goodbye.
Gifted to Kel’zhan. Kelruk. Mate, father of my children. Gifted to the unknown. Love. We learn to love. Not instant. Learned. Kelruk is good, gifted to me as I was to him. He belongs to Anansi. Havoc found mischief. Mischief bonded to havoc. Troubles were born. Three. Erzulie, Zarhuda, Little Vanjar. Brilliant trouble. Bright trouble. To trouble I apologize. I failed. Failed trouble that havoc loved. For you, I do this. You should not see me fall. Mischief will care for you. Kelruk is a fine Troll. Good Troll. May he find good mate.
Good mate. Next goodbye. Jin’marou. Guidance and wisdom. He, like Maman is disappointed. Trolls are not Elves he says. I am Darkspear. I did better than an Elf. I resent sentiment but I do not resent speaker. Jin’marou mated sister, sentiment is not surprising. Good mates. Fated mates. Loas guide them. One patron parts the waves, other patron spreads the rain. Jin’marou guided sister to brilliance. She is strong. She also lies. This amuses me. She hides third child from Jin. I know. She knows I know. She will name it Ayida. I carry her secret straight to Jin’marou.
I carry many secrets. What I will do, how I will die. That I keep until it is done. Done. It will be, my mind will be fixed. The Baron will take me. The reason for doing what I do matter not. I care not. Silvermoon might be safer. But Darkspear are concern. Elves give work, but I do not give them my life. They give me release. A big bang. Go out as I lived. Doing the improbable.
Improbable. History will remember this Darkspear. This Darkspear channels the Ley. Maps the Ley. Reads the Ley. This Darkspear has become the Ley. This Darkspear will return to the Ley.
This Darkspear will find peace. Remember. Remember. This Darkspear moved the Kor’kron Legion. One portal. Countless times. This Troll gave the Dominion power to tap Ley Lines. Without this. No one needs this. Overload.
Overload. This Darkspear is done. This Darkspear is Ayida Kel’zhan born to the Spiritwalker Erzulie In’ama and the Dire Troll, Zar’huuda. This Darkspear is Ayida Kel’zhan, mate of Kelruk Kel’zhan and mother of Erzulie Kel’zhan, Zar’huuda Kel’zhan, Van’jar Kel’zhan.
May the Baron take my soul.